so let's talk penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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