im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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