do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
