I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
