Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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