I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
