overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
