the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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