I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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