he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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