Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
