ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
