Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
