It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
