Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
