Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
