Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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