she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
