I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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