used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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