fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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