We won't sleep together?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
