New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
