i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
