New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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