She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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