Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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