My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
