I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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