I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
