you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
