Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i now understand why vodka
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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