He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
