Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
