I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just had sex bonerless
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
