The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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