i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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