What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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