ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why is your signature on my underwear?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
