Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
