So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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