i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
