Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Pooping to opera.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
