So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
