I need to stop coming to work sober
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
