he thought i was a dude.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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