My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
