Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
