You can't motorboat a personality
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
