So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
