just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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