You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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