I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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